Just Nothingness
by Darquesse
Summary: After Light dies, he goes to the empty nothingness of Mu. When L impossibly shows up, Light becomes determined to escape Mu and get a second shot at life. Rated T 'coz I'm paranoid. WARNING: Might be some coarse language, violence and yaoi if you squint.
1. Prologue: The Defeat

**Authors Note: This is definately going to have some insanely depressing ending, because I'm twisted that way, lol. My first fic! Yay! Reminder: Character Death, Some coarse language, violence (not too severe I hope) and slight slight yaoi (because I just can't write it without feeling all awkward and deleting it.)**

**For future readers: I'm sorry if I don't update as often as I'd like, or if the chapters are short; I'm halfway through term 3 at school when all the hard work _really _begins to pile up. Bear with me! Chapter One should be up soonish. -crosses fingers-**

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**I collapse weakly onto the small staircase running up to the water tower, blood from my wounds dripping between the cracks and seeping into the wood, staining the boards a deep crimson. I try to crawl up the stairs, but my fatigue overpowers me and I crumple back against the railing.**

**This was never meant to happen; defeat was never an option for me. I was Kira, I brought the world to its knees, yet here I am, alone and dying on an empty staircase.**

**I begin to wonder **_**how**_** I'll die – will I succumb to my wounds, or will Ryuk uphold his assurance to kill me with his Death Note? That conversation seemed eons ago – back when I still was the perfect Light Yagami, and not the individual the world knew as Justice. Considering whether I should attempt crawling up the staircase again, I feel a sharp snippet of pain in my heart, followed by shooting flames of pain in my chest and down my arms. I guess Ryuk did come through after all.**

**The pain of the heart attack is strangely enlightening, as I begin to see myself for what Kira truly was – evil. Insane. A murderer fixated on the impossible dream of becoming divine. Groaning in the horror of realization, I try to bury my face in my hands, but only manage to succeed in sluggishly hitting myself in the eye. **

**The guilt that rushes through me in the next moments is heart wrenching. I remember the innocents I killed, or died because of their involvement in the case, on my mad quest for godhood – Naomi Misora, her fiancé Ray Penber, my own **_**father, **_**Soichiro Yagami and L. **_**L.**_

**I can honestly say that I missed the eccentric detective after Rem killed him. I can honestly say that I truly regret killing him. I can only hope that L went somewhere better after he was killed. He didn't deserve to die; he was simply an obstruction on the path of Kira's reign. **

**I exhale slowly and close my eyes, feeling my heart slow down gradually. Suddenly, I feel the air in front of me shimmer, and a slight breeze gently ruffles my hair. I look up, confused, and gasp involuntarily when I see the familiar onyx eyes of L gazing down at me sadly.**

**Choking on questions building up in my throat, I gaze up at L incredulously. "R-Ryuuzaki!" I gasp in horror. Can L see the guilt in my eyes? I hope so. I wish for him to know, before I depart this world, how much I missed him, and how much I regretted having him killed. **

"**Kira..." L slowly states. His eyes are suddenly devoid of emotion, though I can detect the slightest bit of pain in his eyes. "No...Light." he muses. **

**I sigh resignedly, meeting L's sad eyes. I know it's too late for any kind of apology. I know that soon, I'll draw my last breath. Wheezing slightly, I pull myself up, inch by inch, until I can properly meet L's gaze. **

**Just as I open my mouth to speak, a final wave of pain hits my chest, hard and fast, and I know that I have seconds to live. Just before I draw my last breath, I manage to softly say what I've been hoping to since L died. "I'm sorry."**

**As the beating of my heart comes to a stop, as the life drains out of my body in one last exhale, I feel L smile sadly, and reply to my dead ears, **

**"Good luck in Mu." **


	2. Arrival

A cold jab hits me in the small of my back, jarring me from welcome unconsciousness. I shoot upright in shock, my fear slowly melting into confusion as I take in my surroundings. Sitting up, and wincing in the lingering pain in my back, I quickly turn my body 360 degrees, trying to figure out where I am.

My thoughts sluggishly replay the last things I can remember, so _infuriatingly _slowly. I begin to remember the small staircase I died on...Seeing L...dying..._Oh god._

I jump up hurriedly, and immediately gasp in horror and disappointment. There, on the horizon is-

Nothing.

Just like in every other direction. I can only see three things on this empty plain; the sand, stretching out in every direction like a cold desert, the sun; or what I think is a sun. A faintish glow coming from the sky would be a more accurate description. And the third thing I can see is myself.

I listlessly begin to stagger in a random direction, desperate to see any kind of change in my surroundings, or the presence of another human. I hadn't realized it at first, but I'm incredibly lonely. It's just me in an empty, flat Sahara.

A long laugh breaks my train of thought, and I whip around fearfully, to see a familiar looking figure. Ryuk. He's just hanging, perched in midair by his wings, laughing at me endlessly. After a few more seconds of his mirth, he stops and eyes me in disdain.

"Thought you'd be headed to the Shinigami Realm?" Ryuk asks me rhetorically. "Well, you can forget it. Usually, a Death Note user ends up there and becomes a death god, but the Shinigami King didn't wish for an insane psychopathic murderer to have a second chance at killing. So instead you were sent here, to Mu."

I can say honestly that I'm not surprised. I didn't deserve a second chance, even the twisted half-life of a Shinigami. All things considered, I _did _deserve to end up here, to be forever tortured by my mounting guilt. My reverie is broken again by Ryuk's laughter, and even as he slowly vanishes from my sight, I can still hear his disdainful laughter echo in my ears, "_Hyuk, hyuk, hyuk."_

I dislike the fact that Ryuk still finds me a source of entertainment. I guess that watching an insane killer sprout and blossom from within a perfect, model citizen doesn't occur often in the Shingami's life. No wonder he said he was bored; the only difference between here and Ryuk's description of the Shinigami realm is both the presence of other Shinigami, and the different land features; cliffs, trees, rocks. Other than that, they sound quite similar.

Knowing that it's pointless, but doing it anyway because if I simply curl up on the floor and wallow in my guilt, I _know _I'll eventually turn insane, I slowly begin to trudge along the soft sand that is the only thing in Mu.

**LATER LATER LATER LATER LATER**

I collapse into the sand weakly, less inclined to get up than the previous multitude of times I've stumbled. How long have I been here – weeks? Days? For all I know, it could have been mere minutes, and I wouldn't know. That's the second worst thing about purgatory – the unknowingness. I long to see my father, and L, wherever they are, but I never will. The lack of information is part of my eternal sentence. Part of my eternal curse.

I dimly consider getting up again, but now the thought of insanity seems almost like a blessing, so I willingly curl up in the sand, and replay memories in my head. _The first sighting...Lind L Tailor...The twelve FBI agents...To-Oh university...Hideki Ryuuga; no, L..._I wince mentally at the name. I hope he doesn't hate me, though why should I be deserving of his forgiveness? The more I think about it, the more horrific Kira seems to me; and I can hardly believe that before I ended up here I was naive enough to aim for divinity.

Wincing again, this time at the unwelcome thought about Kira, I focus on past memories. _The task force, Ukita's death, Misa Amane, Rem, the Yotsuba group, Higuchi... and the Notebook._

Again, I distantly wonder how long I have been reminiscing on my past. Soon, though, I won't have to remember anymore. I can feel myself slipping into the numb embrace of madness, standing on the edge of a cliff overlooking insanity. I can tell I'm close; by the way things seem to slide around my consciousness. All I need is a little bit more time...

I raise my slumped body up until I'm on my knees, head bowed, the proper picture of atonement. I'm ready to step of that mental cliff into the oblivion of madness. I slowly close my eyes, waiting for the inevitable, yet gentle push that will send me spiralling into unconsciousness, when the sand shifts behind me.

I growl silently to myself- I was so deliciously close, and my imagination had to completely spoil my careful preparation. It would take even longer now to reach the numbing embrace of oblivion. I begin mentally cursing myself, when I feel more sand flick onto my bare feet. A small glimmer of hope begins to grow in my chest, perhaps I have reached madness after all. I briefly consider ignoring the irritating movement. But curiosity gets the better of me, and as I'm turning around, I think wryly to myself, _Curiosity killed the cat, but what if the cat wants to die?_

Narrowing my eyes slightly I push my head back a little farther and take a quick peek over my shoulder. To my surprise, there's nothing there. But there, in the distance, and this time I'm sure it's not my imagination, is the shadowed silhouette of a person. But before I can properly make out the person, who seems all too familiar, the edges of my vision clouds black, and I slowly sink into the clutches of sleep.

**A/N: I know, cliffhanger right? :D I know, I'm evil. I got the whole insanity idea after wondering what I'd do in that situation...stuck in an eternal Sahara with only my memories.. I'd be kinda like Tom Hanks in that weird movie where he got stuck on an island. With his friend Wilson the soccer ball o.O**


	3. Illumination

**A/N: I just realized I made Light fall into unconsciousness at the end of both chapters, so I'm sorry about that. Must be getting boring, the same ending over and over. And don't be angry with me for not updating :( My internet died. I know; oldest excuse ever.**

**L: The chances of you repeating that excuse is approximately 76%.**

**Me: The chances of you being a- wait, what? 76%? Not more than that?**

**L: Correct. **

**Matsuda: You just got **_**told!**_

**Me: o.O Since when did you show up in this fic Matsuda?**

**Anyway, enjoy!**

Groaning slightly, I begin to roll over and faceplant into the soft sand. Gagging on the small grains, I stand up slowly, in confusion. Last night's – or, before I fell into unconsciousness's events replay in my mind. Almost tauntingly, I see the strange, slouched silhouette (**A/N: Yay! Alliteration!) **and begin to wonder aimlessly who it was, if it was anyone – it was likely that I had just been seeing things.

I close my eyes contentedly, lying back against the warmish sand, soft grains running through my hair. I hear a familiar "_Hyuk, hyuk, hyuk," _and cautiously crack open my eyes. There, not even two centimetres away from mine is the grinning face of Ryuk.

"So, Light," he begins conversationally. "Enjoying Mu? I doubt it. I could tell you how long you've been here, but that would spoil my fun. For all _you _know it's been minutes since I last visited you. And-" he pauses; finger held up, silencing my questions, "I've actually come because it seems you now know a lot more about Mu."

I frown in puzzlement, what did he mean by that? All I've seen since being here is sand, sun, and the Shinigami opposite beaming crazily at me.

Ryuk seems to notice my confusion and smirks even wider. "You aren't the only one here in Mu. Oh no – not even close. In fact, anyone who's been killed by the Death Note has a chance of coming here. Unless they've lived good, decent lives, and go off to Heaven, they wind up here. Well, unless they choose this over Heaven. But really, who'd do that?" Ryuk leans back slowly, as if waiting to see my reaction.

My eyebrows knot together in thought, slowly processing this new, yet unhelpful information. "And the point of you telling me all this _is, _Ryuk?" I say, hoping that he will elaborate further.

Instead of speaking however, his wings slowly unfurl from his back, cracking slightly as loose black feathers pool around his feet. Shallow realization dawns in my eyes as I realize that once again, Ryuk plans to leave me in the dark. I growl softly under my breath, cursing the whole Shinigami race. It was just like Ryuk to leave me alone.

I close my eyes again, and begin to analyse my options, and process this new information that Ryuk has willingly shared. Frowning, I crack open my eyes to see Ryuk hovering high in the air, his voice slowly ghosting down to my ears.

"If you can find someone _special_, you both have a chance at being redeemed. Heed that, Kira!" And with a black flash of loose feathers, Ryuk disappears to I don't know where. Perhaps the Shinigami realm.

_If I can find someone..._ I think cautiously to myself. Immediately my mind begins to analyse who I might have to find. Between myself, Misa, Mikami, Higuchi and Takada, we've killed a lot of people. _So then it must be someone different...someone outwardly gifted or related to me in some way. _I slowly begin to make a list in my head of important people killed by the Death Note; _Well, there was Mello; aka Mihael Keehl, his accomplice – Matt, wasn't it?- my father, Soichiro Yagami, Takada, Misa, maybe Raye Penber...what is 'special,' anyway...and L._

I grimace to myself; no-one on that list would be particularly happy to see me, except for maybe Misa. I wasn't sure, but it was very likely that she commited suicide after I died. After all, she did say something once, about not living in a world without Light...and then L had cracked his joke, 'Yes that would be dark.'

Thinking about the detective makes me feel melancholy inside, but truly he's the most obvious person to find on my short little list. But wouldn't L have gone to Heaven? He was the world's top three detectives, for God's sake. If anyone was more deserving of Heaven, it was L. And if anyone was more deserving of Hell, it was me.

Grimacing slightly, I begin to stagger in a randomly picked direction, my feet taking me where they want to. I squint my eyes, and crane my head forward, as if it will make me see further into the shadowy dunes.

After walking for almost six days straight, as I don't require nourishment or sleep here, I see a figure in the distance. My heart races in anticipation, when I get closer and realize it's no-one I know. It's a youngish girl, around fifteen, staring off into space boredly. "Hello?" I say as I get closer. The girl simply shifts her head, still looking bored, and continues to stare into space.

Her empty gaze half-dissuades me from approaching her, but I desperately want to find my loved ones stuck in this God forsaken place. As I get closer, my confidence builds and I wave a hand in front of her face repeatedly to draw her attention. After several seconds of my frantic waving she blinks a few times, as if coming out of a trance, and addresses me sharply.

"What is it you want, Kira?" she snaps at me, irritated. I hang my head sadly, and ask her if she has seen L at all. Any clue, any_thing _would help me right now. The girl nods shortly, points in an easterny direction, and resumes staring into blank space again.

With my thanks still on my lips, I turn and begin to hurry eastwards.

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It turns out, surprisingly, that most of the people I stumble upon have caught a glimpse of the detective, and most are surprisingly helpful, considering the circumstances. A few people give me a hard time as I approach them, but I can't blame their anger towards me; it was, after all, me who put them here.

I constantly finding myself reliving a memory from some nights back; I am sure that the figure slouching in the distance was L. This though both cheers me and makes my heart heavy; happy because it means that my goal is indeed in Mu, somewhere; and sorrowful because I doubt that L will even look at me. If he wanted to talk to me, or seek me out, he would've done so earlier.

A few times I come across people I can vaguely remember, some whose names have slipped my mind, but I can recall their faces; but most hauntingly, Naomi Misora, staggering around listlessly, like me, no doubt searching fruitlessly for her lost love.

I briefly consider approaching her and asking if she's seen the world's greatest detective, but almost immediately decide against it. Ultimately I was responsible for her death, even admitted to her that I was Kira. Sending her mental apologies I walk past her in search of my lost friend.

**A/N: I was considering calling this chapter 'Ryuk ex Machina' 'coz he seemed to randomly pop up and explain everything. Gah. Sorry about that, I just haven't updated in ages, and thought that this sorry excuse for a chapter was better than nothing. Next will be better! I hope, anyway.**

-**L and Matsuda talking suspiciously to each other-**

**L: Hm. I'm only concerned for you, as I am a billionaire and can afford to-**

**Matsuda: $50?**

**L: You're on.**

**Darquesse: Huh? What's going on?**

**L and Matsuda: Ohhh...nothing... –evil chuckle from both-**

**Darquesse: o.O and I thought I made it clear in the top A/N, WTH are you doing here Matsuda!**

**Oh and! Next chapter we find you, L... :)**


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